older, and colder.
god, I realise now why I fled my homestead so readily.
just to put you all in the picture – I live in a backwater. the kind of place where having kissing cousins in your family is viewed as a blessing. otherwise they’d be fucking their siblings. or a VCR.

and I fled again.

oh, let’s get 2005 over with, shall we?

1. what did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? ...nothing. I’m all burnt out.
2. did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year? I can barely remember what I threw-up for breakfast, let alone what I fucked-up last jan. this year I hope to cultivate ratlike facial hair. and hopefully get thin enough to necessitate an involuntary downy growth over the rest of my waiflike form.
3. did anyone close to you give birth? ’close’ is a pejorative term in my vocabulary.
4. did anyone close to you die? my first schoolboy crush, Pope John Paul II.
5. what countries did you visit? US of gAy. france. and really is anywhere else worth it? I am still kicking myself for not doing roma pre-JP r.i.p., admittedly.
6. what would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? perspective, restraint...and dialysis (probably).
7. what dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory? the drunken junetime nyc 37-block jaunt. drunken november faux-facial herpes face-rape and hernia-inducingly hilarious cartwheeling to casualty. some drunken blurred time in july when I managed to rip my hour-old dior suit (and wore another hole in it by wearing with the security tag still attached – don’t ask). that drunken time I woke up literally in someone else’s shoes, albeit whilst walking down brick lane at 6am with a spanish boy, a mexican girl and a group of hispanic transvestites (did I ever tell you about that?). do I need to say ‘drunken’ any more times to explain why I barely have any memory of 2005?
8.what was your biggest achievement of the year? pulling my socks up so hard and high they’re practically leggings. I’m the life and soul of csm.
9. what was your biggest failure? any semblance of propriety, sobriety or common sense. and any attempt at an ‘adult’ relationship.
10. did you suffer illness or injury? mental illness and perjury, perhaps.
11. what was the best thing you bought? the innate freedom of my new flat. and eBayed lurex.
12. whose behaviour merited celebration? their behaviour merited private celebration.
13.whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? my own, as always.
14. where did most of your money go? down the shitter. literally and metaphorically (lighter on the foie gras for 2006).
15. what did you get really, really, really excited about? let’s be honest, I am still a six year old about more things. I got very over-excited about antony price, roxy music, moussed hair, the freedom ‘90 video, ysl rive gauche past and present, new york, london (ha!), paris,
16.what song will always remind you of 2005? artic monkeys like every other faggot, tristan by patrick wolf, you excites me so much by adriano canzian (my jerry ferry rework is formidable), let’s stick together by bryan ferry, pro-patriotic on repeat while finishing the mother of all essays, and surrender by performance. but it’s likely to be my soundtrack to 006 too.
17. compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? who fucking cares? though I can guarantee you’re getting 36% more cynicism for your money.
ii. thinner or fatter? my clothes are acting like girdles at the moment. and it’s what’s on the outside that counts.
iii. richer or poorer? poorer on paper, I think. or at least in terms of negative equity. (god bless the overwhelming ineptitude of the student loans company. and all who fail in her.)
18.what do you wish you’d done more of? thinking.
19. what do you wish you'd done less of? drinking.
20. how will you be spending Christmas? christmas has been spent. I spent it fending off accusations of sodomy and drug-abuse from my immediate family, and trying not to choke on the insinuation that me and helena live together ‘in the biblical sense’ (actual phrasing I swear to moses).
21. how will you be spending new year? bored and sober. I learned my lesson well.
22. did you fall in love in 2005? only with myself.
23. how many one-night stands? zero. ish. my new years resolution was apparently frigidity.
24. what was your favourite t.v. programme? I know it was technically this year but teenage tourette’s camp. which may just be my favourite t.v. programme of all time.
25. do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? only myself. a little bit more.
26. what was the best book you read? re-read madam bovary.
27. what was your greatest musical discovery?

A-GAY BASHING A-FOOTBALL WATCHING
28.what did you want and get? patent 6.5s.
29. what did you want and not get? gilded 6.5s.
30. what was your favourite film of this year? rosemary’s baby.
31.what did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? twenty something. which I realised with an aneurysm-inducing shudder – well, shudder, convulsion, practically the same. I tried to write far too much of an essay at the last minute and suffered a nervous breakdown. attempted a belated celebration the next day but forty-odd hours without sleep plus alcohol is not a mix I relish. repeating. again. besides the fact we grounded ourselves in a caffé nero and probably couldn’t have moved if we wanted to. which we didn’t.
32. what one thing could have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? probably something to do with clothes. stop looking for a hidden depth.
33. how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
roxy roxy roxy, straightened to shit, pale and disinterested, a tiny bit too hitler jungend for comfort, and always tourniquet-tight.
34. what kept you sane? white russians, non-prescription medication and big business on dvd.
35. Which celebrity/public figures did you fancy the most?

simon amstell

russell brand

that loser out of razorlight (yeah, in retrospect I can't see it either.)

alex kapranos (we share a forename, we should share a foreskin.)

and roland mouret. eternally.
36. what political issue stirred you the most? I don’t do politics. although I do maintain that property is theft.
37. who did you miss? ...I never miss.
38. who was the best new person you met? agro, saph. tess will kick me in the fanny if I don’t mention her – and winks make me wince. I couldn’t live without my rock moms. meeting up with fernando was an achievement. but the insane all-singing all-dancing manhattan minstrel takes the brisket.
39. tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: lemsip, tea and ginger-nuts combine to form an extremely powerful laxative. trust me. I have first hand experience. although that’s perhaps the wrong turn of phrase...
40. quote a song lyric that sums up your year: the world was a mess, but his hair was perfect.

empty resolutions:
WORK WORK WORK PUB CLUB SLEEP try to work harder, and sooner. I’m 23, I really shouldn’t be staying up all night without it ending in an alcohol-induced 20-hour coma (beauty sleep and all that)
FUN go out more. I am practically a hermit – albeit in hermes..
AMBITION try to do something pertaining at least vaguely to my career. although I will gut myself with a rusty fish-hook if I get stuck in ‘media sales.’
STOP LYING I’ve got a feeling it’s pathological. I resolve to stop. or at least stem the tsunami
STOP LYING-IN I need to learn to surface before 2pm without prescription drugs. this will also prevent me stumbling into work dressed like a disco tramp
POLITICS try to be a little more politically correct. less comedy racisme, and no more singing selfish cunt on the bus. I have no wish to be ritually sacrificed in bethnal green.
FINANCE drop the debt. again. jesus, this is almost becoming a (hollow) mantra.

I’m also moving to new york. london’s burnt burnt out. brace yourselves (we’re talking 2008 so don’t clench too hard...)

love,
Alex.